Yes I have been absent for about 2 weeks, wait what is the date?? OK closer to 3 weeks.
The hardest thing to do right now is to get back to blogging. Not because I don’t want to, because I do, it’s in my heart to blog.
Let’s start with why I took a mini vacation, it had nothing to do with my writing.
Ok here it goes…I am no longer engaged. It turns out my fiance` would rather have a relationship with Herion than he would with me.
In hind site it should have ended sooner, but there was a difference in opinion, I saw the user signs but his family didn’t and continued to enable him, by letting him stay with them, giving him money, not pushing him to pay the consequences as he has 2 warrants out for his arrest. It ended when his family called me, telling me they found needles and he has bruises all on his arms. But yet still they say there is nothing they can do. But when I offered help they denied that he needed it. My heart breaks but it is what it is.
His mom asked me for money, I told her I have no money..she says you don’t have $50, I said no, She said how about $30. I explained I have no money, she replied, You don’t even have $10. See this is the thing, that way of her asking me for money, her son used to do to me when he needed dope. Even if I had money, why would i give it to her as it would only go to continuing the enabling of her son.
It was at that moment I knew I had to back away. That whole home is just a ticking time bomb, where the addiction behavior is being accepted as a norm and is reinorced by her enabling and the mom is probably also using. Truth is that home has 3 known users residing in it and his mom is in recovery, however her actions make me question if she has relapsed.
I had to end the relationship with the family, I told her before I hung up, you are enabling your children to death. She has 2 adult children with Herion and Xanax issues, her husbdand is a pill popper and well she has a history of opiate abuse through pills as well. Which the way she asked for money is not my only suspicion that she is using. She called me and within 1 minute of talking on the phone, she was snoring…Yes her i am talking and I hear heavy breathing then a loud ZZZZZZZZ. Another time she called and was switching subjects, I could not keep her focused. She would be screaming in my ear, then getting food, then she was talking to a squirrel outside, then she was slurring and I have no idea what the heck she was saying….my head was dizzy trying to keep up with atll the curves.
So again, why did I take a mini vacation? I was in love with my hunny, he meant the world to me..I would have done anything for him, I would die for him. He would have done the same thing, unfortunatley it wouln’t be for me but for the drugs.
Its hard to be in relationship and you find out your partner cheats with another, however its harder when the cheating is not even a person but an inanimate object. All the love and affection that should have be given to me he was giving to a drug that only provides a moment of pleasure.
Like to see that a drug was getting more attention than you, it causes one to sit and wonder, what is wrong with me…Why is he more into a drug then me, why does he not love me more than that fucking drug(pardon my French). He calls his dealer more than me, he would go to the end of the earth to get to his drug..
It’s just it takes a hit on a persons’ self esteeem to just think, “He would rather be with his syringe than with me…that Herion makes him happier than I do.”
And I am an emotional eater so going through all of this was quite the challenege. I tried my hardest not to submit my control over to my own drug of sweets and junk food. I not only lost my love, I lost a family, I lost a part of myself.
So I kinda just took off the time to spend time with myself and get past the hurt. I didn’t want to go through this moment of time by being fake, acting ok when in reality I was broken. You guys deserved better than that, hell I deserve better than that.
Insha ‘Allah , God will work his miracles in this situation and my hunny will escape the darkness get help in the light before its too late.