Monthly Archives: February 2016


Not only is this good for life lessons, but it works with food for me.

Evil is starchy carbs, sugar, flour, etc as when I have some instantly I want more, I crave more sugar, more bread, more junk. I get greedy and start grabbing all the sugar and bread products in site.

The next day, I try to get back on track and instantly my mood switches as it is withdrawaling.  My mood gets angry from withdrawal, I drool in envy as others can eat it but I can’t, I start to resent thoses who can eat it, I may throw out a few negative comments like, “Skinny Bitch!”

Oh why am I such a slave to the carbs?  Why am I so weak and inferiot to its powers.  Suddenly again I cave and relapse into a piece of cake, a cookie, of course I will lie if anyone asks and say “It’s a new low carb recipe!”

If I eat carbs I feed the evil and I start acting unlike myself and I go overboard carb crazy. Then I beat myself up from eating the wrong stuff.

Remember, they need to make evil things look so delicious and tempting just to make money for themselves.  Money for themselves which has nothing to do with what is best for our bodies



So today I saw not only that I lost 5 pounds but I actually lost 6 pounds, so I reached my 25 pound loss reward, which is to highlight my hair, buy colored mascara and liquid eyeliner.

So I bought purple hair color, I bought the cap set as well.  I usually do all hair stuff outside so the cleanup is easier, you know like hair cuts and coloring.  So I have to wait until the nicer weather so I can do it outside.  If i dyed my hair in the house my roommate, which is my dad, would kick my butt.

I did buy the rest of my reward.  I have a 6 pack of different colored mascara and a liquid black eyeliner.

So in the spring time stay tuned for a selfie of me with purple highlighted hair.




Yes I am Muslim, however, I do also observe Lent and Christmas and Thanksgiving.  My mom was Catholic and to her those holidays were a big deal.  So maybe I still partake in her holidays to feel closer to her, that perhaps she is looking down on me and seeing me partaking in Lent makes her feel happy.

In my eyes nothing is wrong with that, I am strong in my religion, but I also do love knowing about the practices in everyone elses religion.  I am very accepting of others, which helps lower the hatred in this world.  I can’t be held responsible for others, but I can be held responsible for my own acts.  All it takes is one person to positively change their ways so a domino effect occurs.

As I posted earlier this month, I have been donating a piece of clothing everyday for lent.  It cleans out my closet but helps someone in need.

So as according to the picture:

I’m Carrie a Muslim American in solidarity, next 40 days, No keeping clothes that I no longer wear, that are keeping residence in my drawers and closet causing a lack of space for new slimmer fitting items.




I love when I buy meat and bring it home and my dad eyes my mmeat, making suggestions on how to cook it.  All suggestions of course containiing starchy carbs. But yet when I cook something and offer him a bite he says, “Your way of cooking scares me!”

My way of cooking???  I make salad, vegetables, what is scary about cauliflower?


Yes I have been absent for about 2 weeks, wait what is the date??  OK closer to 3 weeks.

The hardest thing to do right now is to get back to blogging.  Not because I don’t want to, because I do, it’s in my heart to blog.

Let’s start with why I took a mini vacation, it had nothing to do with my writing.

Ok here it goes…I am no longer engaged.  It turns out my fiance` would rather have a relationship with Herion than he would with me.

In hind site it should have ended sooner, but there was a difference in opinion, I saw the user signs but his family didn’t and continued to enable him, by letting him stay with them, giving him money, not pushing him to pay the consequences as he has 2 warrants out for his arrest.  It ended when his family called me, telling me they found needles and he has bruises all on his arms.  But yet still they say there is nothing they can do.  But when I offered help they denied that he needed it.  My heart breaks but it is what it is.

His mom asked me for money, I told her I have no money..she says you don’t have $50, I said no, She said how about $30.  I explained I have no money, she replied, You don’t even have $10.  See this is the thing, that way of her asking me for money, her son used to do to me when he needed dope.  Even if I had money, why would i give it to her as it would only go to continuing the enabling of her son.

It was at that moment I knew I had to back away.  That whole home is just a ticking time bomb, where the addiction behavior is being accepted as a norm and is reinorced by her enabling and the mom is probably also using.  Truth is that home has 3 known users residing in it and his mom is in recovery, however her actions make me question if she has relapsed.

I had to end the relationship with the family, I told her before I hung up, you are enabling your children to death.  She has 2 adult children with Herion and Xanax issues, her husbdand is a pill popper and well she has a history of opiate abuse through pills as well. Which the way she asked for money is not my only suspicion that she is using.  She called me and within 1 minute of talking on the phone, she was snoring…Yes her i am talking and I hear heavy breathing then a loud ZZZZZZZZ.  Another time she called and was switching subjects, I could not keep her focused.  She would be screaming in my ear, then getting food, then she was talking to a squirrel outside, then she was  slurring and I have no idea what the heck she was saying….my head was dizzy trying to keep up with atll the curves.

So again, why did I take a mini vacation?  I was in love with my hunny, he meant the world to me..I would have done anything for him, I would die for him.  He would have done the same thing, unfortunatley it wouln’t be for me but for the drugs.

Its hard to be in relationship and you find out your partner cheats with another, however its harder when the cheating is not even a person but an inanimate object.  All the love and affection that should have be given to me he was giving to a drug that only provides a moment of  pleasure.

Like to see that a drug was getting more attention than you, it causes one to sit and wonder, what is wrong with me…Why is he more into a drug then me, why does he not love me more than that fucking drug(pardon my French).  He calls his dealer more than me, he would go to the end of the earth to get to his drug..

It’s just it takes a hit on a persons’ self esteeem to just think, “He would rather be with his syringe than with me…that Herion makes him happier than I do.”

And I am an emotional eater so going through all of this was quite the challenege.  I tried my hardest not to submit my control over to my own drug of sweets and junk food.  I not only lost my love, I lost a family, I lost a part of myself.

So I kinda just took off the time to spend time with myself and get past the hurt.  I didn’t want to go through this moment of time by being fake, acting ok when in reality I was broken. You guys deserved better than that, hell I deserve better than that.

Insha ‘Allah , God will work his miracles in this situation and my hunny will escape the darkness get help in the light before its too late.