So I literally am going through a tough time.  Thursday my dad informs me that he is giving the dog back, the 2 year old husky/Shepard he adopted on May 23rd.  My heart is broken, literally I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and Riverdanced on.  I had become very attached to Baby, she was a friend, a companion and a child all in one.  She helped me plant my garden, she was a good weed eater.

My dad stated that he was taking her back as her presence was flaring up his COPD.  I begged and pleaded with him, I cried, I told him its allergy season and that he caught my cold that I had when we adopted Baby.  But no luck as his mind was already set, he was taking back Baby.  My dad’s house and his rules, my dad has always been stubborn.  He has never changed his mind on anything, he is always right and I am always wrong.

However, his actions did not fit the real reason he claimed for taking her back.  Yes, his breathing did get worse, but he was still taking her places in his car.  Which if she truly was making your condition worse why be in a confined space with the irritant?  Then he told me Thursday that he was taking her back Saturday, so if it is irritating you so bad, why wait.  Then he started making more and more comments about how the dog favored me, which if you have followed my blogs you would see that was a pattern, he disliked from the beginning that she was so close to me that she whine for me if I left the house and run to the store, doctor appointments, etc.  Dad would take her outside and she would want to come back inside by me.  My dad would call her, she would ignore him and stay by me so I would walk back out and Walk by him so she would stop for him to pet her.  I did not plan it this way, it was her free will, I tried to sit by my dad so baby would lay by him and bond with him as well.

My dad wanted to get a dog for him and instead the dog claimed me as her owner.  I think his used his illness as an excuse as it was acceptable rather than say the truth that he was upset that he bought this dog for himself and Baby acted like my dog.  He was jealous that the dog favored me.  It was his jealously and anger that fueled him to get rid of the dog.  He fixed the problem, by removing it from his existence.  I feel like scum, that he hated the bond so much that he essentially hated me as well.  I feel like it is my fault that the dog bonded with me, perhaps I should have been colder towards her, but that just is not my personality, I LOVE ALL ANIMALS.

So for the last three days I have been crying, and so depressed.  I am Grieving.  Yes, I had her only a short time, but I was bonded to her and her to me.  So in my grieving I am trying to just let the tears flow, the hurt and anger fly away, but in doing so, I am not hungry and I do not want to feed myself if I not hungry as that will start a bad habit.  I have been nibbling on watermelon and i am about to mix a low carb yogurt with a scoop of protein powder.  But I just feel drained, tired, beaten up, abused, punished, just so many emotions, so much stress.  When I began grieving for Baby all my grief came back. See when he gave Baby back that was the 3 furry baby in a year I have had to give up.  My 2 furry purries(my cats Grant and Tigger), Grant was put down when he developed stomach cancer and Tigger I had to give away as when I became disabled I had to move in with my dad and he was allergic to cats,so I had to give him away and now Baby, also last year I lost my brother to brain cancer.

This is New to me, as I am usually an emotional eater and I should be diving into a gallon of superman ice cream or mint chocolate chip.(those are my two favorites) but instead I am not hungry, not grazing just I am not feeling anything.

I am trying not to let it affect my relationship with my dad, but I ain’t going to lie, that will be very very hard.

Before I can rebuild and forgive him, I need to work on myself so that I am not in a place of Sadness and Grief as that will only allow me to say things that I do not necessarily mean and can not take back.

I need Allah’s guidance and wisdom at this time as the behavior he is exhibiting at this time is so unlike that of my dad.

BTW  I did find Baby a new home and owner, she will have a mom and dad and one human sister with another soon to arrive. It was a better option than taking her to a pound.


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